So it’s Friday afternoon and if you’re on the east coast, you’re experiencing the drizzly remnants of Andrea. This can mean only one thing…. The majority of our readers are currently “frozen in time” or planning to be frozen in time the second that clock hits 5:00 pm. Although our blog is in its early childhood, I think it’s a safe assumption that most of our readers fall into one of these categories: The young professionals who are neither young nor professional, the degenerates who are happily unemployed, and the over-privileged college kids who get their parents to pay for summer classes so they can remain on campus over the summer and rage daily with no consequences. I think it’s also a safe assumption that these three types of people occasionally enjoy getting a little “frozen in time” aka “getting toasty” aka “being not low” (you get the point). So, I’d say a rainy Friday afternoon is a great time to reveal the Slenderman’s official list of the funniest TV characters to watch when you’re “frozen in time”
10. Tobias Fünke (Arrested Development)
While I don’t really think Arrested Development fits the stereotypical model of a frozen in time tv show, its so good that it had to make this list somewhere.
Tobias: “I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.”
9. Doug Wilson (Weeds)
This list wouldn’t be complete without a character from a show called “Weeds.” Went with Doug not only because I find Kevin Nealon hilarious, but also because this guy is one of the few actual stoners in the show.
8. Ron Swanson (Parks & Rec.)
Literally any of Swanson’s lines or faces are guaranteed to supply laughs, especially if you’re slightly toasted.
7. Creed Bratton (The Office)
One of the most underrated TV characters ever, Creed provides the perfect level of creepiness.
6. Taco (The League)
What Taco is all the time is basically what the rest of us are at our most “frozen.” Purely simple, stupid, and hilarious.
Taco: “You are not just clients to us, but nameless strangers with money as well.”
5. Butters Stotch (Southpark)
Could have gone with Cartman here, but chose Butters instead because his consistent naivety gets me every time.
Butter’s Dad: “Son, sometimes it’s OK to tell a little white lie. Like when you catch your father jacking off in a gay men’s bath house.”
Butters’ Stotch: “Oh okay. Who’s Jack?”
4. Dwight Schrute (The Office)
Classic no-brainer here. I’ve yet to meet someone who didn’t laugh at Dwight after some casual herbing.
Dwight: “I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.”
3. Adam Demamp (Workaholics)
Workaholics is taking over the college-age demographic, partly because it’s well suited for both pre-gaming activities and freezing activities. Adam is clearly the funniest character.
2. Charlie Kelly (Always Sunny)
I strongly believe that Charlie is the funniest TV character of the past 10+ years. His voice alone gets me every time.
Charlie: “Charlie Work’ is like basement stuff, cleaning urinals, blood stuff, your basic slimes, your sludges, anything dead or decaying, I’m on it, I’m dealing with it.
Therapist: “And you dislike it?”
Charlie: “Oh, no. I love it. I love the dark. I love slippery things. I love being naked… in the sewer. Bleach smells good, it tastes good…”
1. Ricky (Trailer Park Boys)
Some people love Trailer Park Boys and the rest of people are liars or don’t understand it. The more frozen you are for viewing, the more you pick up on the clever grammatical mistakes of the main character, Ricky. Check the video above to see what I mean.
Honorable Mention: Ari Gold (Entourage), Johnny Drama (Entourage), Buster Bluthe (Arrested Development), Gob Bluthe (Arrested Development), Eric Cartman (Southpark), Frank Reynolds (Always Sunny), Rodney Ruxin (The League), Glenn Quagmire (Family Guy), Tom Haverford (Parks & Rec.)