So last night I went and saw the recently released sure to be box office failure “Now You See Me.” This movie got a 45% on Rotten Tomatoes which is awful (although still not as bad as the whopping 11% for the Smith family project After Earth which centers around Scientology. I wont get into that today though). Let me preface this review by stating I think that magic and magicians are the biggest frauds, losers, and just pathetic types of people. People who try to be good at magic tricks are lamer then hard core video gamers, like the people who play World of Warcraft all night, or 26 yr old men who still collect Pokemon cards. BTW my dad tried to be a magician when he was younger in case anyone wants to say I never knew a “magician.”
This movie follows the story of four street magicians who receive an invitation from an unknown master mind. This invitation comes with the “blueprints” for a big magic trick to rob some banks and perform some Robin Hoodesque bullshit stunts. The movie started off kind of interesting with the street magicians doing their own separate gigs ripping people off and stealing their money. You know typical magician loser moves. However, once the four magician come together through the mysterious invitations they receive, the movie starts to try and make the viewer believe these fools are actually using magic. Like legit not real at all magic. This however is supposed to be all a part of the grand illusion in which everyone gets tricked. I won’t lie I fell asleep for a portion of this movie because it was sooo boring, it was after 1AM, and I was sufficiently frozen in a space time continuum. I still got the overall gist of the story which was that the magicians were only able to appear to actually use magic because they had planned everything out so perfectly in advance that they were always a step ahead of everyone. To this I have to say FUCK MAGICIANS, magic, and all kinds of swindling tricksters. If I was in this movie and one of these little bitch-ass magicians tried to pull one of their “you have nothing up your sleeve” lines I’d punch them in the stomach and then see who has something up their sleeve. Jesse Eisenberg would likely curl up in the fetal position on the ground if you gave him a wet-willy because it would bring back so many painful high school memories. That type of magician talk shit does not fly in the real world. That’s why in the real world magicians suck and rarely make it above the stealing peoples money on the streets and basically never become actually successful.
This will be the start of Jayto’s movie grading system that will be used for every movie I review. Basically I’m going to come up with whatever method of grading I think is appropriate for every movie and see how it goes. So here it is:
Now You See Me gets a Chester Copperpot minus a David Blane coming to a just barely watchable grade of D-
PS. If you don’t know who Chester Copperpot is fuck you. He is the only magician I’ll ever support. If your magician and you search for hidden pirate treasures and shit you must be a bad ass.