Maybe it’s the perfect hair and stone-cold eyes. Maybe it’s the undeniable athleticism and work ethic. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m waiting for a delayed flight with three 20 oz Shipyard Old Thumpers in me, but I am slobbing on Tim Tebro’s knob right now. Mark my words, this signing will go 1 of 2 ways. Either we’ll cut him during mini-camp without paying him a dime, or we’ll keep him and use him in the most brilliant and creative ways possible. Belichick is an absolute wizard who thinks and executes things that are well beyond the scope of his peers. I already can think of a few great uses for Tebow here in New England:
- He can compete with Milan Lucic as a temporary replacement for Gronk at Tight End
- Put him at outside linebacker to help out with our dismal pass-rush
- He can supply the Pats with much of the Jets playbook so we can embarrass them even worse this year. Remember he learned both the offense and the special teams playbook in New York
- Train him as a ninja and have him run “Spy Gate Version 2” or should I say “Spy Gate Version 5 or 6” because we all know Belichick didn’t stop cheating after getting caught once (Bitch, Please!)
- (This one’s the most likely) Play him as much as possible after we build up 5 touchdown leads early in the season. If he does well, which is likely, we’ll create a big-time trade market for him. Then we trade him for someone we actually need- WR? LB? CB? Who knows.
Either way two things are clear. Belichick will make the most of Tebro, and I’m on my way to getting blacked out at the airport bar. Here’s to you, Tebro!