So I’m already experiencing GOT withdrawal, and lately I’ve been reverting to reading the books and catching up on other topnotch television programs, such as Burn Notice, 2 Broke Girls, and Vegas. As you may expect, this strategy has not worked, so instead I’m resorting to The Philo. Here’s my list of 5 Game of Thrones characters and their professional athlete counterparts, because why the hell not, right?
1. Joffrey Baratheon – Lebron James
Both have illegitimate claims of being King, both are hated by the masses. Lebron, like Joffrey, controls his realm and continues to gain power as he ages. Maybe if Bron Bron had a smokeshow on his side like Joffrey does, he’d have won more than just 1 battle (does that analogy make me a nerd?? fuck.)
2. Jaime Lannister – Tom Brady
I’m not talking about the douchey season 1 and season 2 Jaime, I’m talking about the likeable, hero-esque season 3 Jaime, and I make this comparison for one reason. Brady is so on top of the world that if you were to find out that he used to bang his sister, you’d be like, “Eh, at least he slays and he’s fucking great under pressure.”
3. Brienne of Tarth – Brittney Griner
The whole sexual orientation thing kind of goes without saying, but a better point of comparison can be made in how these two chicks can absolutely emasculate a dude. While Brienne can simply kick you in the chest or cut your head off, Griner will posterize you or swat your jumper and give you the Dikembe finger-wag (girl’s got sass).
4. Hodor – Vince Wilfork
Like Hodor, Big Vince may look out of shape and simple, but when the going gets tough he has no problem putting the team on his back.
5. Robert Baratheon – Antonio Cromartie
Discretion, consistency, condoms… 3 things these guys haven’t heard of. Hurting people, being overpaid, impregnating women… 3 things these these guys know all about. Compared to King Robert, Cromartie is a saint because although he may not know all of his kids’ names, he at least knows how many of them there are.