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North Korean Hockey Team?

While perusing Deadspin this afternoon I came across an article about the North Korean Hockey Team.  I like most you who just read that last sentence could only say ……What?  I had no idea North Korea had a hockey team that competed internationally.  Apparently the North Korean hockey team was playing in the IIHF Division III World Championships.  This is the lowest of all international hockey competitions highlighted by the global hockey powerhouses North Korea, Greece, Ireland, the U.A.E, Luxembourg, and South Africa. Do any of these countries even have naturally occurring ice in them? Most of these teams would likely lose to any decent high school hockey team in the US.  So I read further on in the story and found nothing all that surprising.  The team travels with a “team leader” who apparently films all team activities, I’m guessing to report back to the Supreme Leader.  The team also consists of a coach who speaks little English and got the job solely because of this.  He certainly didn’t get it because of his experience, he had never played hockey prior to getting the job.  This was all very unsurprising as I read about the hockey team from the perpetually mysteriously and, for lack of a better word, idiotic rebel state known to its residents as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.  I then saw a link to pictures taken by Peter Cox, author of the article, during his time with the team.  This is when things got interesting:

All seems normal here.  Bunch of very serious looking North Korean fellas.  When all of a sudden……

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Hey look at these guys having a good time…………… wait WTF are those North Koreans.  They better hope Supreme Leader isn’t wasting some time today by reading articles on Deadspin.  If he sees member of North Korean Hockey Team smiling with some random guy  may become a little bit more selective (and by selective I mean these guys were killed).   Also I’m not sure but I don’t think those guys have one of the government mandated haircut options.  Also who the fuck is this guy just hanging with a bunch of North Koreans like they’re not the biggest assholes on Earth.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

This picture is what inspired me to write this post.  Just look at the equipment North Korea provides to their starting goaltender for international competition.  Dudes rocking like a 1985 Jofa helmet that would probably split into a million pieces if it took a shot from John Tavares to the grill.  At this point I’m thinking to myself, people are worried about North Korea attacking the US?  I don’t get it, clearly North Korea is about 25 years behind us in every department including hair styles, hockey equipment, and military technology.  After seeing this picture I’m guessing that North Korea won’t see Team America insult them till at least next decade.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Wow placed is packed!!!!  I’m surprised the North Koreans don’t send a group of government mandated fans with their team everywhere they go.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Moral of the story, North Korea is no threat to the US.  Anyone who thinks that North Korea isn’t to the US what every bad guy ever was to the Power Rangers is a fool.  If anything the North Korean government is comical in its attempts to convince the other countries that their people like them, that they’re advanced, and that they are a stable country.  Just look at the keyboard and mouse Kim Jong Un is using on this “high-tech military equipment.”  I’ve never seen anyone use that kind of a mouse except for maybe the 90-year old secretary working at my dad’s law firm.

– Jayto Descartes

PS I’ll just leave this here.


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