Terrell Suggs Says Ravens Are In A State of Emergency, and He Is Right

T-Sizzle hath spoken. We have reached the Bye Week and it’s time to do some soul searching. We are at a State of Emergency. If Sizzle is going to rise up as the leader of this team and fill the shoes of Ray Lewis, then it starts here. The second half won’t be easy, but after bodies dropped all over the NFL this past week, it could get a bit easier. The only problem is the division. It’s wide open and at this point its the Bengals title to lose.

Week 9 @ Cleveland: The boys are going to roll into Cleveland and steamroll them. Not quite sure how they beat Cinci, but we are going to come out hot after this Bye Week and rip the Browns and their bitter fan base a new one. Ravens 27 Browns 3

Week 10 vs. Cincinatti: This one is huge. The team has a chance to show the fans what kind of a team we are going to see going forward. If we are going to have any chance of picking up the shit and coming out on top then it starts with the run game and running over the Bengals D. The Bengals are giving up about 100 rushing yards a game at this point and I think that’s exactly what it is going to take to beat them Week 10. Ray Rice has a huge day. 100+ and 2 scores for Ray Fried. As for the D, I think the secondary finally brings it together and will show the hometown crowd a pick 6, and put Andy Dalton and his firecrotch in his place. Ravens 31 Bengals 17

Week 11 @ Chicago: If you had asked me about this game before Week 8, I would have pinpointed this as a tough matchup. Bears offense was clicking, Cutler was playing well, and the defense was showing flashes of the typical vintage Bears defensive dominance. With Cutler almost definitely being out for this game and a banged up defense, I think the Ravens take this one. Torrey Smith is currently leading the NFL is receiving yards, but hasn’t been able to connect with Joe Flacco in the end zone. That is going to change in the second half, and I look to see him have a huge game in Chicago. Ravens 24 Bears 9

Week 12 vs. New York Jets: Ha. Ravens 42 Jets 7

Week 13 vs. Pittsburgh: Thanksgiving night. Under the lights. At Home. There’s no one I hate more than this team (Well maybe that team from New England). But Fuck Big Ben. Fuck them. No way we don’t pull out the black on black uniforms and take revenge against the division rival, Steelers. I will be at this game and you can be sure it is going to get real physical, real quick. There’s absolutely no way we lose to the Steelers twice in a season, or at home, or on Thanksgiving. Not once, not never. The entire team has this game circled going forward. I want to say that we come back for revenge at home and annihilate in this game, but conventional wisdom tells me it’s going to be another 3 point victory in our favor. Close game, low score, hard fought. Ravens 23 Steelers 20

Week 14 vs. Minnesota: I’ve gotta say that our rush defense has not been extremely impressive as of late. I didn’t like giving up 120 to Eddie Lacy at home, and it almost scares me that AP All Day could go for over 200 in this game. But fuck that. Ravens are cruising at this point and Sizzle will have this team under his belt. Harbs has already threatened trading and cutting players to get this team moving. I’m hoping we somehow pull in another receiver and are jiving offensively by this point. This one scares me a little bit, but I’m still saying we take the Vikings handily. They are too one dimensional and we win this one in typical Ravens fashion. Ravens 17 Vikings 7

Week 15 @ Detroit: Detroit does not scare me one bit. The Ravens secondary has handled AJ Green and I don’t think Megatron will be a huge issue. We go on the road, and get the job done. Ravens 31 Lions 16

Week 16 vs. Patriots: I’ll be at this one. Circled this the day the schedule came out. There’s a good chance this game will mean something for the both of us. Cincinatti is going to take us down to the final week of the season, and I’m sure this will be a game the Patriots will need if they want to have home field, which they will need if they want any chance of returning to the AFC Championship. It’s going to be a cold one. It’s going to be high energy. It’s going to be awesome. This matchup is slowly becoming a rivalry year in and year out. Sizzle has Tom Brady’s number. He gets off on the thought of crushing Tom Brady to shreds. Look for him to do that here again. Predicting Sizzle to have 3 sacks and for Brady to go down a dozen times. Ravens take it on a last second field goal. Ravens 27 Patriots 24


Week 17 at Cincinatti: At this point I’m almost certain that this game is going to decide the division. I see us both heading to the playoffs again, but there is no way that we let Cincinatti win this division. They have a solid team. Dalton is proving himself to be a decent NFL quarterback, AJ Green is an animal, and I like their new back Bernard. On the road with the division on the line, there is no way this team has not come to fruition and takes this game and takes the division. The boys head into the Playoffs and will be hosting a Divisional game. Ravens 30 Cincinatti 24

Let it be known that this Bye Week will mark a turning point in the season and I see Suggs coming out of this season as the Defensive leader that he was meant to be. Take a seat because Ball So Hard University is back in session.


Miss Utah Botches Question at Miss USA Pageant

I for one was not watching this last night, but I caught the only highlight worthy of showing from the Miss USA Pageant. Well…You nailed that one Miss Utah. “We need to try to figure out how to create education better.”  Actually what we need to do is send you back to grammar school because you can’t speak properly.

Erin Brady, Miss Connecticut, won the thing though. I’m not really into women that have this much definition. Really doesn’t do it for me.




US Open Live Stream


We have been working on a big project over here at the Philo and have not been able to address the US Open. Yeah, I know. Take a lap. Regardless, my eyes will not leave this US Open livestream for the next two days until I can park my ass on my couch, beer in hand, and watch the action. Follow this link to livestream the US Open from work or home, whether it be your apartment or your parent’s basement. We don’t judge here. Just get in on the action.

US Open Live Stream


Guy Shoots Friend With Blow Dart Gun: I Need One Now


I came across this video this morning. It sounded dangerous, and after further review my predictions were correct. There is no way that this could have been conducted in a sober state. Regardless, that kid took it like a fucking champ! I loved the reaction. His buddy just shoots a dart through his hand, and they just tear it out like it’s nothing.

Regardless, I need one of these blow dart guns. That thing is huge. I can’t even tell if its regulation size or what. My life would be so much easier if I had one of these. If I wanted to get someones attention I could just whip it out and plant one in their shoulder. I’m sure that would do the trick.

If you have had any experience with a blow dart gun or know where to get one please let me know.


P.S. – I checked. A 4 foot blow dart gun is only 23 bucks. Easiest 23 dollars I have ever spent.


Manny Machado is Cal Ripken Jr. on Swag 9


It’s way too early in his career to start comparing Manny and the great 8. But I don’t care, I love it. The similarities are too striking, and if you can’t see it then you’re naive. This is what I think though: Manny Machado is Cal Ripken on Swag 9. What exactly does that mean? It means Manny has has the technical skills and numbers (.318/.353/.486 through June 12) to make a claim that he could be as good as Cal (.276/.340/.447 for his career), but on top of that he has so much swag it almost hurts. I know people compare Manny to A-Rod, but I hate A-Rod, and the Yankees, and I’m simply not goint to do that.


At 20 years old, he is leading the league through June 12 in doubles (28) and is also leading the AL in WAR (wins above replacement) with 3.9. He is doing all of this before the age of 21. That is bad ass. The kid can’t even legally have a beer until next month, and he’s out there tearing up the majors. To be honest, if there’s a guy who deserves to crack open a cold one for his play on the field, it’s this guy.

The real point I’m trying to make is really simple though. Cal Ripken Jr. was the face of the Orioles for over a decade. I thought Adam Jones was going to be that face, but I’m all in on Manny Machado right now. I think he is exactly what this organization needs, and I think he can be a staple in Baltimore for years to come. He is someone that kids can look up to and someone this city can be proud to have representing it. It’s amazing plays like this that will cement Machado’s legacy:

The display that Manny has put on this season has been beautiful and that wonderful GIF is just one testimony of the greatness he brings to this Orioles infield. Watching Manny routinely gobble up infield ground balls and sling them over to Chris “Crush” (Country) Davis for the out has been more satisfying than sex with a stranger. It’s gotten to the point where I simply know that any ball batted in the vicinity of third is going to be safely fielded by Manny. He just has Gold Glove written all over him. It will be interesting to see if and when the Orioles move Machado over to Shortstop, which is his true position.

I just want to say that I obviously hold Cal to a completely different standard when it comes to Baltimore greatness. While the similarities between Ripken and Machado are interesting, Ripken’s legacy in the city of Baltimore is timeless. His consecutive games record will never ever be broken. He is a true Baltimore legend. But I truly think we are watching a legend in the making in Manny Machado. The league itself has seen some truly incredible young talent over the past year when you look at Mike Trout and Bryce Harper (who I love). Mike Trout is an animal and Bryce Harper is pretty badass, but Manny Machado just has swag for days. I love it. If you’ve been down to The Yard and heard the “Manny” chants then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Just check out that Canadian tuxedo he’s rocking up there. My point exactly. Let me know what you think in the comments. I’d love to hear some diverse perspectives on this.

Peace hon,

P.S. Remember when Manny completely faked out everyone for this out? He’s not real.


Someone Get Titus Young Amanda Bynes’ Phone Number


There’s only one person we love more than Titus Young here at the Philo, and that’s Amanda Bynes. Even though Bynes used to have that “girl next door,” cute look about her, she still left your dick shrugging and asking, “What exactly am I looking at?” Now, she’s just got it crawling back inside itself asking to have the thought forcefully removed from your memories. After her diabolical downfall that included posting half-naked pictures to Twitter, getting arrested for throwing her bong out a window, and claiming her arresting officer touched her downstairs, she is back at it again and we can’t be more excited to witness the hilarity that will ensue.

Bynes apparently wants to record an album now!

This news comes right after Paris Hilton annouced last week that she is recording an EDM album, produced by none other than Afrojack. Bynes is not hitting the EDM scene though. She wants to be a rapper. I wish I was joking, but I’m not. She has the potential to be worse at rapping, than Brian Scalabrine is at playing basketball. Maybe this is all just an act so she can get closer to Drake and fulfill whatever messed up fantasies she has boiling in her head. I’m really not sure at this point.

But honestly, what is the world coming to right now? While I still have faith that the vast majority of people will shun these two losers and make them feel like absolute morons for thinking they could be successful artists, there are still people out there who will support them for their efforts. Thus, I have determined that the Bynes’ supporters today are the scum of the earth. If you can’t take one look at this broad’s Twitter account and determine that she’s mentally insane, then you yourself are mentally insane.

Have a great Wednesday Philosophites,

My Take on Tinder: The New MySpace.com


By this point you have obviously heard about the popular smartphone application Tinder. If you haven’t then you’ve been living under a fucking rock for the past few months, probably still have a Motorola Razr flip phone, and are really into ham and cheese sandwiches. And most of all, you’ve been missing out on all the fun and random sex imaginable.

Before I get ahead of myself I should say that I downloaded this app about a month ago and I didn’t really understand how it worked at first. In fact I had no idea. I downloaded it when my fellow Philosophizer, Jay, was in Baltimore for the night and we absolutely destroyed this hotel downtown with some random people that we might as well have met on Tinder. Hanging around waiting for the night to transpire, I started to Tinder in a mean way liking every single person and swiping every chick to the right, but what I didn’t realize is that I was playing the game. And that’s pretty much how I see Tinder, a big game of Who’s Hot and Who’s Not.

That’s all good and everything, but when you get matched with someone you run into the same exact thing that happens in reality. It’s a classic game of two people, who think each other are attractive, but neither of them is willing to admit it to themselves or one another, and thus nothing happens and life goes on. The thing about this application though is that the only way to see it in its purest form (a dating game I guess) would be to completely deny the fact that it’s creepy as fuck. There’s only one problem. It’s impossible….because it IS creepy as fuck. I haven’t reached this level of creeped out since the MySpace days, and let me just say, it got weird back then. I didn’t actually think it could get weirder, but goddamn you Tinder, you officially win.


Aside from the creepiness, what the Tinder craze has done is take everyone’s innate feelings and turn them into a big game of “In An Ideal Situation Would You Fuck Me Or Not?” An example of this playing out would be when a completely normal dude (take me for example) likes a smoking hot chick and doesn’t get a match out of it. It’s pretty much the equivalent of when you are trying to hit on a hot girl at a bar and getting the classic “I’m just here to look at people with my girlfriends, so get away” kinda look. I guess that’s probably why I haven’t used this application much. I’m not quite content with that exactly. Oh well. You live and you learn.

By the way, I know I could get a like out of that chick Jennifer up there. She has the Tinder angles. Let me know what you guys think about Tinder in the comments.