North Korean Hockey Team?

While perusing Deadspin this afternoon I came across an article about the North Korean Hockey Team.  I like most you who just read that last sentence could only say ……What?  I had no idea North Korea had a hockey team that competed internationally.  Apparently the North Korean hockey team was playing in the IIHF Division III World Championships.  This is the lowest of all international hockey competitions highlighted by the global hockey powerhouses North Korea, Greece, Ireland, the U.A.E, Luxembourg, and South Africa. Do any of these countries even have naturally occurring ice in them? Most of these teams would likely lose to any decent high school hockey team in the US.  So I read further on in the story and found nothing all that surprising.  The team travels with a “team leader” who apparently films all team activities, I’m guessing to report back to the Supreme Leader.  The team also consists of a coach who speaks little English and got the job solely because of this.  He certainly didn’t get it because of his experience, he had never played hockey prior to getting the job.  This was all very unsurprising as I read about the hockey team from the perpetually mysteriously and, for lack of a better word, idiotic rebel state known to its residents as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.  I then saw a link to pictures taken by Peter Cox, author of the article, during his time with the team.  This is when things got interesting:

All seems normal here.  Bunch of very serious looking North Korean fellas.  When all of a sudden……

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Hey look at these guys having a good time…………… wait WTF are those North Koreans.  They better hope Supreme Leader isn’t wasting some time today by reading articles on Deadspin.  If he sees member of North Korean Hockey Team smiling with some random guy  may become a little bit more selective (and by selective I mean these guys were killed).   Also I’m not sure but I don’t think those guys have one of the government mandated haircut options.  Also who the fuck is this guy just hanging with a bunch of North Koreans like they’re not the biggest assholes on Earth.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

This picture is what inspired me to write this post.  Just look at the equipment North Korea provides to their starting goaltender for international competition.  Dudes rocking like a 1985 Jofa helmet that would probably split into a million pieces if it took a shot from John Tavares to the grill.  At this point I’m thinking to myself, people are worried about North Korea attacking the US?  I don’t get it, clearly North Korea is about 25 years behind us in every department including hair styles, hockey equipment, and military technology.  After seeing this picture I’m guessing that North Korea won’t see Team America insult them till at least next decade.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Wow placed is packed!!!!  I’m surprised the North Koreans don’t send a group of government mandated fans with their team everywhere they go.

Photos: The North Korean Hockey Team

Moral of the story, North Korea is no threat to the US.  Anyone who thinks that North Korea isn’t to the US what every bad guy ever was to the Power Rangers is a fool.  If anything the North Korean government is comical in its attempts to convince the other countries that their people like them, that they’re advanced, and that they are a stable country.  Just look at the keyboard and mouse Kim Jong Un is using on this “high-tech military equipment.”  I’ve never seen anyone use that kind of a mouse except for maybe the 90-year old secretary working at my dad’s law firm.

– Jayto Descartes

PS I’ll just leave this here.


Ice-T and Coco on Conan: Where Did Coco’s Thong Go? (Video)


This morning I went on expecting to catch up on the NSA monitoring scandal and other major stories of the day when I came across a video of Ice-T and Coco being interviewed on Conan. I instantly had to stop as I glanced across one of the headlines that read “Where Did Coco’s Thong Go.”  Obviously this instantly caught my attention expecting a story about how North Korea had stolen one of Coco’s thongs in an attempt to further annoy the United States and thus pushing us closer to nuclear war.  I was wrong though, sooo wrong.

Where did Coco’s Thong Go

Although Coco’s thong was the title of the video, it was Ice-T who stole the show for me.  Not only is he an accomplished actor and rapper with a celebrated career on the long standing crime drama Law & Order and with the rap group Body Count, he’s also married to the curvy Coco who has an attitude that can only be matched by Ice-T himself.  By the way, as I learned in the video clip he is also just a super hilarious guy.  Him and his wife (although mostly him) had me cracking up for the entire two minute clip CNN had up on their site.  Ice-T is just cracking jokes the whole time and at one point mentions how his wife’s ass is a cushion to prevent injury.  This of course is immediately after showing the Twitter pictures Ice-T had posted from their vacation with his seemingly nude wife tanning by the pool. Coco claims she is not nude, but rather that her “booty swallowed her thong up.” Coco also apparently is currently performing in a sort of burlesque show in Vegas which I guess Ice-T is cool with since shes being interviewed about it right next to him.  In my opinion Ice-T should start doing comedy because he is just a naturally funny guy who is clearly confident and doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks, which I can’t say about many other actors and actresses that our world is plagued by today.  If you haven’t already, check out the video its hilarious and I guarantee you’ll love Ice-T by the end of it.

– Jayto Descartes